Evaluating Communication

The one thing that surprised me the most was the assessment done by my supervisor at work. She scored my communication anxiety inventory lower than my husband and me. My husband and I scored it fairly closely. I guess this means that my anxiety is hidden and I present myself better than I thought I did. My self-esteem and self concept do not exactly match how someone else sees me in my professional life. She does not know me on a personal level. She knows how I interact with children, parents, colleagues, her and the administration of the school. She also sees how I participate in staff meetings. In some of these cases, I do feel a bit of anxiety but I guess that she sees that I am well informed, articulate and confident. My self-concept is not quite as strong in my own head. In some cases, I feel as if my non verbal cues and body language give me away. I guess in her eyes, I present myself well in all interactions. I feel some self confidence boost.

This week I learned that the way we view ourselves may not always be how others view us. I learned that my behavior fits the situation that I am in at a given moment in time and in a particular context. In the aggressiveness scale, I rated myself the lowest of my husband and supervisor. My supervisor and husband rated me ten points higher. I rated myself low and they each rated me moderate. While moderate is still acceptable, I see that it is an area that I might want to look at for improvement and a goal. Our text was very interesting this week. I learned that how we communicate has a lot more to do with how we feel about ourselves than I ever realized. How we feel in any given situation will dictate how we communicate. Knowing ourselves will help us both professionally and personally.

I also learned that first impressions are very powerful. We cannot be too quick to judge a person just on an initial encounter. We come into every situation with a set of schemas. We have to engage in conversation, look for verbal and nonverbal cues, ask questions and be an effective listener. That will help us to know a person. This information will help everyone in their personal life and professional life as we are coming in contact everyday with children, families, colleagues, potential friends and others in the early childhood field. We are learning that we must truly learn and understand the people we communicate with. Competent communication will help us to be successful in all areas of our lives.

I learned through these assessments that our comfort level, our listening style and our verbal aggressiveness all contribute to being an effective communicator. Improving our skills in these areas will help us both in our professional and personal life. We will be able to make our points clearly, listen effectively and monitor our behavior while maintaining respect and consideration for other people and their points of view.

Cultural Diversity and Communication

I think you have to talk differently to different groups of people. There are ways to bridge the gap and there are strategies to improve interpersonal relationships. Cultural differences can interfere with the development of positive relationships (Beebe, Beebe &Redmond, 2011). I work with many different people every day. We are all women. We are different races, ethnicities, religions, languages and different ages. I also work with families that speak different languages and come from different home cultures.

 When I am communicating with the parents of the children in my classroom, I am professional and show empathy. When I am communicating with families that speak other languages/from other cultures, I speak slowly. I watch my verbal, my nonverbal cues and I watch theirs. When I speak with people that are individually different than me, I look for common ground. I keep the conversation to what we have in common. I pay attention to the relationship that I have with the person that I am talking to, the situation and the context of our communication.  I try to adapt my behaviors and speech to the person that I am talking to.

There are three strategies that I use in order to communicate more effectively. First, I will gain knowledge by seeking information about the person and/or culture. I must ask questions and listen effectively. If the person is from a completely different culture, I must try to understand the nuances of their culture. I like the idea of creating a third culture. A brand new culture created between me and my communication partner consisting of shared meanings and common ground (Beebe, Beebe &Redmond, 2011).

Second, I must have motivation to be other-oriented. I should not ignore our differences. I must not think that my culture and my perspective is the only right perspective. I do not let my own experiences cloud my perception of another’s reality. I would avoid cultural myopia. My reality is not everyone’s reality (Beebe, Beebe &Redmond, 2011). I try to remember the Platinum Rule. I treat others that I am speaking with respect and treat them as they want to be treated (O’hair, Wiemann, Mullin &Teven, 2015).  

Third, I must continue to develop skill in the conversation. I must learn in the moment of interaction. I should be able to adjust my behavior to meet the needs of the person that I am having a conversation with. This means being able to read verbal and nonverbal cues. I should be able to be creative and flexible. I must be empathetic and try to figure out how the person that I am speaking with is feeling (Beebe, Beebe &Redmond, 2011).

If I can employ these strategies, I would hope to be a more effective and competent communicator.

Reference

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon. Chapter 4, "Interpersonal Communication and Diversity: Adapting to Others" (pp. 85–114)

O'Hair, D., Wiemann, M., Mullin, D. I., & Teven, J.  (2015). Real communication (3rd. ed). New York: Bedford/St. Martin's. Chapter 2, "Perceiving the Self and Others" (pp. 41-45)

Observing Communication

I watched an episode of Modern Family without and then with the sound. I see many relationships in the episode based on what I see without hearing the words. The show opens up and there are two people sitting on a sofa. They are talking into the camera but I do not know who they are talking to. They appear to be a married couple as I see they are in a home. They look at each other occasionally and smile. Based on their behavior they look like a loving, married couple.

The next scene I see the same couple with three teenagers. They are in the kitchen. I assume that these are their children. They are all engaged in conversation. There is eye contact and very quick conversations between all of the characters. Based on what I see, they look like a typical family in heated conversations. I see a very familiar place for a family to gather. They are in the kitchen. Based on what I see, the nonverbal communication is that of a family going about their normal morning routines.

The next scene, I see two men. They are in a kitchen. One man is wearing a bathrobe and the other man is in a suit. The man in the suit is pouring coffee. They are in conversation. The man in the suit appeared to be going to work while the other man appeared to be staying at home. I assumed this because he was not dressed. There is eye contact. In walks a small child, a little girl from another room. This is probably a family. As the child is not Caucasian child, I assume she is their adopted daughter. They appear to be partners in a same sex couple. In the next scene, I see the same camera shoot as the last couple. They are sitting next to each other and looking into the camera. I do not know who they are talking to at this moment. They occasionally look at each other and smile. At one point, the man on the left touches the arm of the man on the right. There appears to be a strong connection between the two men.

The next scene shows the same man from the kitchen walking with one of the teenagers onto a school campus. They are having a conversation. The man tries to hug the boy and the boy pulls away. The man looks very sad and confused by the action of the son. Based on what I see, the father is having a hard time separating from his son.

A woman and teenage boy walk onto the same school campus. They are walking close together and having a conversation. The woman tries to hug the teenager and he pulls away. I assume that this is mother and son. Based on what I see, the mom is having a hard time separating from her son.

After the children leave, the mom and dad come together, say hello and leave the campus together. From their nonverbal communication, I can tell that they already know each other. This was not a first time meeting.

The next scene is the same woman from the kitchen scene. She walks into an office. There is an older gentleman behind the desk. She walks in and is wearing a suit and carrying a brief case. She puts down a plate of cookies and sits down on the opposite side of the desk. My assumption is that he is the boss and she is his employee. Based on what I see, this is a boss and employee and she is trying to win him over with cookies. He is clearly the one with the control in this scene.

The next scene is the same lady from the previous scene. She walks into what looks like a break room. I see many employees. Some are standing by a water cooler. Some are sitting at a table. All people are in conversation. They appear to be speaking pleasantly with each other. The conversations appear relaxed. When the lady walks in, she begins to talk. It appears that she is trying to become friendly. The expressions on the faces of the employees begin to change. I see crossed arms, I see scowls and I see eyes rolling. There is clearly a shift in the mood of the room. I do not know why this has happened. I do not know the nature of the employee’s relationship with this woman. Based on the non-verbal communication in this scene, the employee’s are clearly not happen with this employee. She may be a new boss. They may have had previous experience with her. It really appears as if they do not like her. She is not fitting into this group. She is smiling and doing most of the talking but the actions of the other employees says a lot.

When I watched the episode with sound, I realized that some of the assumptions that I made about the characters and the plot based on the ways in which I interpreted the communication were correct. The first two characters were husband and wife. The next scene introduced the family in their kitchen as they were communicating and listening to each other. Based on what I saw and heard they were a family that was open with each other and had lively conversation. From these initial conversations, I was able to learn the attributes and about the current lives of each of these characters.

The next family that I observed was the two men and little girl in their kitchen. Once again my assumption about this group was correct. They were a same sex couple with an adopted daughter. The one man that was not dressed was going to work as a substitute teacher. Their conversation was about who was going to take the girl to her first day of school. I could not tell any of that from the nonverbal communication.

The scene with the man and his son and the mom and her son where right on track. Each child was starting their first day of high school. Each boy feeling embarrassed to have their parents hold them and give them each hugs.

The man and woman leaving school together went for coffee to commiserate with each other about their sadness because their children are growing up. I assumed that these two people knew each other before this meeting at the school and they have some sort of relationship. I still do not know what their relationship is at this point. Are they just friends or are they a couple? I already know that this man is married to someone else. Their body language in the restaurant shows comfort and familiarity with each other.

I now know that the boss and employee are father and daughter. This was her first day at his closet company. She was to be the new manager. The scene in the break room now makes sense as these employees see the boss’s daughter coming in to manage them and they are most definitely not happy about it. I could tell that the employee’s were upset but I did not know why.

If I knew the show well, I would know that the two people in the coffee shop are actually related by marriage. The woman is married to the boss in the closet company. The man is married to the daughter. That makes them mother and son-in-law. She is young and beautiful. She is much younger than her husband.

I could see that there is a lot to communication. Both verbal and nonverbal communication is important. Watching a television show with the sound off was an enlightening experience. I was only able to make assumptions based on what I saw. I was only privy to nonverbal communication and appearances. I had many new insights when I was able to listen to the conversations to learn about characters and plot. I also learned that having prior knowledge of a situation allows for greater understanding. With prior knowledge, attention to nonverbal clues and attention to verbal clues you will better be able to understand any situation. An “aha” moment for me was to realize that I may not have any prior information about a situation that I am in and I need to pay close attention to my nonverbal behavior and communication and the nonverbal and verbal communication of those I am in communication with at any moment. 

Examples of Competent Communication

When I think of a competent communicator, I think of my supervisor, Marcy. She just retired but I worked for her for ten years. She was such an effective communicator. She knew just how to communicate with children, staff, colleagues and parents. She listened to what was being communicated to her. She thought before she responded and always knew her audience. Her body language conveyed that she was listening. She maintained eye contact. When talking with children she would acknowledge what they said at times by repeating it back. Her staff knew that her door was always open and that she would listen to us. If we had a problem, she was always there to help problem solve. She taught me that what I have to say is important. She continually pushed me in the right direction as communicating with parents was hard for me. She was always there to encourage. She helped me to see that I could accomplish anything, including obtaining a Master’s Degree.

           

I would and do model her communication behavior. When Marcy communicated with children, parents and staff, she gave them her undivided attention. She really listened. She knew exactly who she was talking to and what she needed to do to meet their needs. The children knew that she loved and respected them. The parents knew that she was there to help in any way that she could and the teachers and staff knew that she cared about them and wanted what was best for them. I will miss her every day. Marcy taught me that good communication is important in our field. In order to maintain excellence and the well-being of everyone, good communication is vital. I try to communicate effectively with children, colleagues and families. I am so excited to be taking this course as I am sure that there is so much more to learn about good communication. I hope that what I learn will help me achieve my goals in the early childhood field.

Professional Hopes and Goals

I hope that when I work with children and families who come from diverse backgrounds, I will be better able to just listen. I want to know about children and families to understand their uniqueness. I do not want to make the families that I come in contact with to feel in any way invisible, marginalized and not respected. I will do my best to learn about their culture and incorporate what I can into the classroom including home language  bridging the gap between home and school eliminating discontinuity. I will be an advocate for children and families by creating equity and social justice.

I would like to set one goal for the early childhood field related to issues of diversity, equity and social justice. The field needs to continue the journey. Diversity, equity and social justice have come far but there is so much more work to be done. All children and families need to be respected. Diversity needs to be seen as a wonderful part of all of our lives.

I would first like to thank Dr. Myers for continually challenging us to think and to grow. I would like to thank my colleagues for sharing their stories and experiences as they have added so much to our conversations and learning. 

Welcoming Families From Around The World

The family coming into my classroom is from Spain.

In order to prepare myself to be culturally responsive towards this family

·         I will have to do research to learn about the culture of Spain. I will have to learn key words in Spanish. As there are many people in my school that speak Spanish and we do teach Spanish to our children. We have a Spanish specialist that comes into our classroom 2x every week. I probably already know some key words but I have resources within my school as I have colleagues that speak Spanish. I will make sure that I have help to converse with the parents. I will make sure that all important information in my classroom will be in English and in Spanish. I will allow the child to feel free to use Spanish in the classroom while learning English at the same time.

·         I will be culturally responsive by including pictures, posters, books and other items that are representative of his culture. I will include photographs of the child’s family in our classroom in order for the child to feel included.

·         I will make sure that my classroom library contains books both fiction and nonfiction that depict families from Spain.

·         As I understand that there is more to culture than just what is on the surface, I will have conversations with the family in order to find out what is important to them. I will be respectful of the family culture and include any aspects of the culture that the family feels comfortable sharing with us. I will invite the family into my classroom to introduce their culture to the classroom if that is something the family is comfortable doing.

·         I will have a map, photographs and information about Spain to include in my lesson planning when the child starts so that the children in the classroom will have a wonderful opportunity to learn about a place they may have never learned about before.

I would hope that these preparations will begin a strong relationship between the family and me. I want to make this family feel respected, welcomed and included. I would want this family to feel visible. As I know that coming to a brand new country must be so scary. I want to bridge the gap between home and school. These preparations would benefit me because I would be prepared to welcome this family into our school family and hopefully help them in some small way to make their transition to a brand new country a bit easier just knowing that their child is in a warm, nurturing, loving and inclusive environment. I would build trust and help their entire family. 

The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice and Oppression

There is one experience that I remember that happened to a family at the preschool where I work. I know this happens all of the time.  I heard it from a family in my classroom. While having a conversation with one of the two moms in this same sex relationship, she shared with me that it is obvious that they are targets of oppression. Lesbian and gay couples are not represented in any application forms and school paperwork. The paperwork asks you to fill in information regarding mom and dad. What if there are two dads or two moms? What if the family makeup is not the norm? It may seem like a small thing but it does show bias, prejudice and oppression.  

This specific incident diminished equity for lesbian and gay families as they are the victims of invisibility. It makes families feel not included and not recognized. They are not being respected and not being seen. The paperwork makes the assumption that all families consist of a mom and a dad. It sends a negative message to any family that does not fall into the norm.

Before this incident, it would have never occurred to me. It is part of a much larger problem. It made me feel sad that any family would feel discriminated against. I felt empathy for this family as I know that there are so many issues that same sex couples have to deal with that heterosexual couples do not even have to think about. There are so many diverse and unique families. It is not just about ethnicity, language, income level and religion. It is also about family makeup. All families want and should feel included and not made to feel invisible.

In this situation, in order to make a change that would be equitable, the school enrollment forms and paperwork would have to reflect a growing and diverse population. In this case, what would need to happen is that the school administration would have to be willing to reflect a changing population by saying Parent One and Parent Two. The school would need to make an effort to include all families.